So I've been paying a lot of attention in during the workshops in class the past couple weeks and I really think it is paying off. I like to listen to the critiques on all of the poems but I also spend time in class thinking about my own poems. When we are going over someones poem and they write something in a similar fashion as I probably would I listen to every ones critiques almost as if it was my own since I probably do have a poem that is similar. I decided to try and take everything that I am learning in the workshop and put it toward my poems. Some of the main feedback in class is always line breaks and punctuation, as well as detail everyone always wants more detail and yet they want it to be relatable. I took some of these things as well as some of the other comments in class and tried to write my poem. I think it is one of the better poems that I have written but I don't want to submit it for the final round in the work shop. This poem is beyond personal about some stuff that I am going through right now and I don't think I could deal with reading it out loud even though I do want feedback so I figured if I put it on here at least then I don't have to read it out loud.
Where Have You Gone?
I lie in bed and think of you,
Love seeps through my pores...
our Connection, unlike any other,
to know I am meant for you
and you, for me...
the perfect puzzle, Finally complete.
Yet I look for you, and you are gone
off fighting demons in your head,
leaving me cold and alone
Dying inside without your love,
my bed is empty, Incomplete,
my heart, Inconsolable.
You travel through your thoughts,
fighting the past, hopeless insecurities
all in the name of our Future,
but must you do it alone?
and leave me here fending for myself
praying to the Lord that I see you soon?
You are what I live for,
Each thought ends in "Dave"
each day gets harder...missing you,
I try to eat, I try to sleep... nothing
is the same, somepletely lost in this world
until you come back to me.
I curse those who have harmed you,
and made you leave my arms,
your fucked up past, threatening our Future
still not easy even knowing, you needed to go
to fix everything, to have our Happily Ever After,
but please hurry back each breath I take without you
is slowly killing me...
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I really like how you used description in your poem. I feel you took a lot of what people say when they are critiquing and used it very well. I can completely relate to the poem just a different name in the fourth stanza. It made me feel the same way you do. I really like it! Great job!
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ReplyDeleteI love this poem, and I think others can easily relate to it. I like your use of different forms of punctuation (commas,question marks,periods), probably because I also write this way and I think it makes the poem flow very nicely. And I definitely think you included enough details and emotions throughout the poem, which is often difficult for many writers. I really enjoyed this poem, and I'm glad you decided to share it! :)
ReplyDeleteI love this poem. I think you did a great job using descriptions to describe your emotions. I can definitely feel your emotions through your details in this poem. I love how you capitalize different words throughout the poem. These capitalizations adds emphasis to your words and I think that all of your capitalization works really well and strengthens your poem. I love how you use ellipses in this poem, as well, I think that this adds even more power to your poem. All in all, I think that this is a phenomenal poem and I am glad that you shared it! Keep up the great work! :)
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